inner struggle of emotions.. and u just can't seem to pin point The One emotion that has you wound up..
you dont noe the person who took his life personally.. and yet the sadness and sense of lost is still there..
maybe for his frens and family members who have had their world shattered.. torn to pieces.
or maybe, for him. he who did what he did for reasons maybe only he will noe
and so with the conflict in my mind and heart. i shall blog and hope it all becomes better through this oddly therapeutic form of technology.
strange that the feeling can be so overwhelming.. i dont dare venture to think of what his close frens and family must be going through. seems like the more u get on with life, the more death seems to find its way to you.
trivial stuff seem to matter so much now. seem to have been blown up.. that makes he who walked the same corridors, who took the same lessons, did the same tutorials.. more personal and closer.. as though you knew him as a fren simply because you can identify with the same social instituion and body of people as he.
the way he left was tragic
the atmosphere in school today was.. a mixture of shock, confusion, forced normality, dissappointment, sadness, constipation. it seemed as though all were at a lost as to how to respond. what do we say? who do we comfort? how do we say what we want to say? what are we feeling? how do we deal with what we are feeling? we were at a lost as to what to do.. how do you carry on acting normal when things just aren't? as pockets of the student population reeled from shock, an emergency civics lesson was called.. and everything that proceeded from henceforth was eerie.. as though taken out from a dreadful japanese horror movie.. almost like a scene from Battle Royale.. i never want to sit through another civics lesson like that again.. under the eagle eyes of our civics tutor and the counsellor.. scanning our faces as though trying to detect from a distance the slightest sign of.. what were they looking for? and a classmate left.. when they offered counselling in the multi purpose room.. when a torrent of emotions.. huge waves of overwhelming feelings fight their way around in ur chest.. and u want to cry but u want to laugh in denial.. u want to run away but you want to stay to sit and think through the mess before you.. it was too tragic to be true.
maybe because of rp.. when all the rg girls in rj know all the rg girls and all the ri boys in rj know all the ri boys.. somehow we're all connected. word spreads faster than wildfire.. everyone is connected to everyone else..(yea.. like a protein.. quaternary structure) and the emotions spread..
these were the things they weren't paid to teach us in school..
the school has suffered a huge blow.. and now.. students and staff scramble to pick up the broken pieces and to make sense of what fate has bestowed upon.. upon whom? if there's no winning end.. there's no losing end.. is there?
frens.. do take care of yourselves.. we're all here for each other...
"a friend loves at all times and a brother is born for adversity" ~ Proverbs 17:17
a song..
when i look around me
i see the tragedies
just below the surface
there's a million hearts that bleed
use me Lord, oh Lord
to show how much you care
i long to see your mercy flow across this land
hearts on fire
burning with ur compassion
Lord my heart's desire
is to see you change our generation
take me with you
Lord how i long to follow you
please take this heart of mine
i hope i haven't written anything in this emo period of time tt i'll regret later. forgive me.
