Sunday, January 28, 2007
i realised there are quite a number of people whom i dont know read my blog who.. well, read my blog. haha
strange, i have no qualms with that, tho i do blog about personal stuff.
am i some unfeeling monkey?
i tot literature had saved me and brought me down from the trees..
anyhows, the reason for this post is to announce my house warming party at http://mylifethrujesus.livejournal.com
this blog has served me well (:
but, we move on. haha
in future, if you read my blog, leave ur mark okay! (:
God bless y'all.
________________
8:49 AM
Friday, January 26, 2007
good news #1
i wasn't having gastric flu
bad news #1
i been having diarrhea for two weeks because of the health authorities. breach of trust i say! :(:( i consumed THREE WHOLE pieces of that oil fish.
good news #2
i wasn't infectious (: so the lot of you out there were safe all the while!! (:
bad news #2
i've got a cold now because of my compromised immune system and SATs is tomorrow :(
good news #3
i got to stay home (:
good news trumps bad news anyday!
________________
9:47 PM
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
i had let the world in.
caught up with plastered smiles and the need to maintain that facade
busy ignoring my pain and confusion
i had turned my head the other way
- backside attack SN2 mechanism. HAH -
i look back at the last year and see myself having come a full circle
hereiamonceagaini'mtornintopiecescan'tdenyitcan'tpretend
misfit.
at least its comforting to think it shld be easier to adjust to being a member than an AOT (:
but my greatest fear came true...
i backslided
yep. abbychengningxin backslided
i had given God reasons to love me
-guilty
and when those reasons gave away to emptiness and failure, i was ashamed to step into His presence. I am unworthy.
like a repeat of the scene in the Garden of Eden, i ran away and hid
as the world seemed through my skin and poisoned me
my lifestyle changed in the most subtle ways
it changed in the most innocuous ways possible
like how i reached for taht magazine instead of that christian book
like how i began to allow myself to sleep with secular music playing
the world pushed what "whatever is good, whatever is praiseworthy, whatever is honourable (think about such things)" from my mind
instead, i began to think about life, my future, friends yada yada. u get the picture
instead of "what would Jesus think about this?" i asked myself what my friends would think
trivial as it may sound, when my eyes were opened to how much it had changed me, i was shocked.
it was strange that i had been so quick to attribute the change to part of my growing up. biggest lie i've ever told myself.
maybe that is why God said "let the little children come to me, for theirs will be the Kingdom of Heaven" and that if anyone wanted to enter the Kingdom of Heaven, they had to be like a child. childlike in front of our Heavenly Father.
i guess it was obvious that my spiritual life was going down when i stopped blogging about it huh.
well, typical of my entries.. here is my peripetaeia ;)
at least through these trials i know one thing, that i'm on the right track (:
i'm on my way to fulfilling the calling He has for my life
i feel him humbling me, showing me that its not gonna be through my own strength that i make it to my promise land
through the pain was seeing, feeling and the deaths i had witnessed...
i'll never forget watching my uncle shrivel away on that ironically white hospital bed as his body ate him from the inside
i'll never forget watching my pillar of strength slowly distanting herself from me as her life ebbed away from her frail shell of a body
i'll never forget.
i'll not let it go to waste.
its gonna take all my faith and dependency on Him to keep on pursuing the goal He has set for me
i have a feeling things may not turn out in the academically perfect rj-way
but i'm totally cool if it doesn't (: (:
its an awesome feeling knowing that my life is in His hands and that i can trust in His word, especially in Jeremiah 29:11
i'm picking myself up (:
and He's right beside me
my hunger for His word has come back and i devoured four chapters of revelations. HAHA
beasts, plagues and all. muahaha.
there was an old man whose life goal was to plant a forest
in his backyard he had already planted a few trees
it was curious that instead of caring for them and watering them as every gardener ought to do, he'll wake up every morning, armed with his scroll of newspapers and go about hitting his trees
ask him what he's doing and he'll tell you he's trying to get the trees' attention
leaving them to fend for themselves, he says, makes them strong and weans out the weenie trees early
teaches them to grow their roots down deep, he says
years later this old man passed away
i still walk by his house to admire the thick trunks of his beloved trees
time went by and i decided to try my hand at planting some trees of my own
i watered them, cared for them and prayed over them
but when winter came, i had trees who expected to be waited on branch and root
sissy trees
i dont wanna be a sissy tree
through the storm i will break through Lord (complete by parachute band)
dig my roots deep into the Eternal and into His word
if u've ever wondered why i blog about this kinda things...
well, its because of Hebrews 10:24
verse for the day:
Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save oth yourself and your hearers
1 Tim 4:16
abby:
Jesus take the wheel
take it from my hands
coz i can't do this on my own
i'm letting go
so give me one more chance
save me from this road i'm on
Jesus take the wheel...
Jesus:
you're never far
i will be where you are
and when you come to me
i will open my arms
welcome home you
i know you by name
how do you do
i shine because of you today
so come in and sit down
tell me how you are
coz daughter, its good just to see your face
if u're going through a very difficult period of time...
smile.
coz when u get through this
u'll be able to help others through it too (:
may you come out stronger in the Lord!
get better, not bitter (:
Revelations 22:21 (=
________________
9:06 PM
Monday, January 22, 2007
this is what u do at home when u have gastric flu and u dont feel like studying (: (oh, and u've finished pride and prejudice. keke.)
Your Inner Child Is Scared
|
Like a kid, you tend to shy away from new experiences.
You prefer what's tried and true - novelty is scary!
New foods, new places, and new friends are difficult for you to deal with.
Some say you're predictable, but you enjoy being comfortable.
|
What Your Bathroom Habits Say About You
|
You are a giving soul. Way too giving in fact. You often get stuck doing the dirty work that no one else will do.
You spend a lot on clothes, and you tend to be a very dresser. However, it's hard for you to throw away trendy clothes when they go out of style.
You have the perfect blend of confidence and class. You're proud of who you are - but you don't broadcast it.
In relationships, you tend to be very romantic and demanding. You'll treat your partner like gold, but you expect a lot in return.
|
You Are 76% Lady
|
Overall, you are a refined lady with excellent manners.
But you also know when to relax and not get too serious about etiquette
|
Your Mind is G Rated
|
Your mind is cleaner than a nun's. You're totally pure.
In fact, you often don't catch on to how dirty the world really is.
|
Your Gluttony Quotient: 68%
|
Eating is not just a hobby for you - it's your life.
And while your friends do appreciate your good taste in food, they're a little disgusted by how fast you shovel it down.
|
kekeke whoops! but i'm still not as bad as david says i am!! its only 68%!
You Are a Learning Cook
|
You've got the makings of an excellent cook, and the desire to be one.
But right now, you're just lacking the experience. You couldn't be a top chef yet, but you could be an apprentice.
|
maybe i shld take a few lessons from randolf.. mmm..
How You Life Your Life
|
You have a good sense of self control and hate to show weakness.
You're laid back and chill, but sometimes you care too much about what others think.
You prefer a variety of friends and tend to change friends quickly.
You tend to dream big, but you worry that your dreams aren't attainable.
|
You Are 15 Years Old
|
Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.
13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.
20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.
30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!
40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.
|
ALRIGHT! i grew by a year!
You Have a Melancholic Temperament
|
Introspective and reflective, you think about everything and anything.
You are a soft-hearted daydreamer. You long for your ideal life.
You love silence and solitude. Everyday life is usually too chaotic for you.
Given enough time alone, it's easy for you to find inner peace.
You tend to be spiritual, having found your own meaning of life.
Wise and patient, you can help people through difficult times.
At your worst, you brood and sulk. Your negative thoughts can trap you.
You are reserved and withdrawn. This makes it hard to connect to others.
You tend to over think small things, making decisions difficult.
|
You Are 42% Open
|
You are a fairly open person, but you also like to maintain your privacy.
You definitely will tell all (okay, almost all) to your closest friends...
But strangers and acquaintances only get a peek into your life.
|
Pepperoni Pizza
|
Robust and dominant.
When you go for something, you go full force.
You tend to take control of situations easily.
And in return, you get a ton of respect.
|
whee!! i like this pizza, so there!! (:
You Are 96% Peaceful
|
You are the epitome of inner peace and total calm.
You are grounded, emotionally mature, and very wise.
While no one's life is perfect, you have a great amount of perspective on the world - and you place in it.
|
What You Really Think Of Your Friends
|
Joylynn is your soulmate.
|
You truly love Xuan Yi.
|
You consider Jen your true friend.
|
You know that Kim is always thinking of you.
|
You'll remember Terese for the rest of your life.
|
You secretly think Musfirah is creative, charming, and a bit too dramatic at times.
|
You secretly think that Vanessa is colorful, impulsive, and a total risk taker.
|
You secretly think that Shi Hui is loyal and trustworthy to you. And that Shi Hui changes lovers faster than underwear.
|
You secretly think Shin Jung is shy and nonconfrontational. And that Shin Jung has a hidden internet romance.
|
hmm.. they make me sound les.
You Are 96% Happy
|
It's unlikely that you know anyone happier than you.
You know how to be happy, no matter what life throws at you.
|
You Are 60% Weird
|
You're so weird, you think you're *totally* normal. Right?
But you wig out even the biggest of circus freaks!
|
WOOTS!! i'm 40% normal! so much better than the previous 6%! SO THERE CRYSTAL GOH THREE HOLES! (:
Your Life is 89% Perfect
|
You truly have the perfect life. And you probably feel like the luckiest person in the world.
You have a great career, family, and personal life. You have it going on!
|
AMEN AMEN! all because of You!
Men See You As Choosy
|
Men notice you light years before you notice them
You take a selective approach to dating, and you can afford to be picky
You aren't looking for a quick flirt - but a memorable encounter
It may take men a while to ask you out, but it's worth the wait
|
You are a Brainy Girl!
|
Whether you're an official student or a casual learner, you enjoy hitting the books.
You know a little bit about everything, and you're always dying to know more.
For a guy to win your heart, he's got to share some of your intellectual interests.
A awesome book collection of his own doesn't hurt either!
|
You Are Not a Tease
|
You definitely know how to flirt, but you usually choose not to.
You're not the type of girl who leads guys on - and men appreciate that.
Your charms and sexiness are saved for the one guy you're into...
And for that, he digs you even more!
|
Your Gemstone is Aquamarine
|
Intuitive, tranquil, and trusting.
You inspire others to have faith in themselves.
|
________________
5:35 PM
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
random thing number 7) i refuse to believe my great^1000000 grandfather was a monkey
its been a long time since i posted anything on the happenings in my spiritual life. God had be rather silent the past few months. tho i did grow in my faith through the israel trip and church camp, they were nothing like the growth spurts i had experienced before. through the last part of december.. i was beginning to feel like i was drifting. not drifting away from God.. but drifting as in floating, like a jellyfish, waiting for the current to push me in whichever way it chuses (P&P moment sorreh (: )
i always had this problem.. and my problem is that i never know when i have a problem until after i've solved the problem. HAHA! but thsi time it was different. and i learnt how to face the problem and think through it instead of ignoring it and somehow manage to flounder my way through (:
school started and last monday, trees asked me if i was okay. haha. i tot it was a rather random question, of course i was ok! haha. later, matt and gerald messaged me during break (i have weird caring frens. haha) to ask if i was ok.. well, gerald asked if i was emotionally disturbed. haha. i think their concern made me emotionally disturbed. haha! but if they hadn't asked, i wouldn't have bothered to go home and do some soul searching.
i realised things had been getting me down... gideon's baby girl passing away the day after she was born.. life, death and hanging inbetween situations.. the fact that a few good frens were going through individual rough, no, REALLY rough rocky patches... the world seemed like it was getting darker and darker.our of that list of horrid circumstances... i couldn't find one that was victorious, as of now. u noe that feeling you get when u wana help but u can't? i hate that.
during math, matt helped me think through some stuff.. on paper. haha.
i had begun to struggle to see God's beauty in the world through all the crap that was happening.. all the crap that was staring in my face. it had never really been this difficult to be optimistic..
i wrote:
... Death and sadness is all around and its not like i make friends in the hospital. haha. yet sometimes through th edarkness i can still see His beauty. but its getting harder. sometiems its hard to accept the plans that He has for us and trust in Him. i'm still selfish and want htings my way. and i still get ticked off at the devil. hurmph. His love will prevail! :)
matt:
yeepp i htink that's it... waiting and trusting on God is REALLY hard, esp if you're impatient by nature, like me! =S ...
haha.
then the amazing thing happened. when i read that, i acknowledged that, yes, it is REALLY hard waiting and trusting on God, and my ears opened! haha! opened in the way that H2 will extinguish a lighted splint =P
den i heard Him again, so audibly. i only wished i could have brought some kinda amp so the whole class could have heard His voice too.
and God spoke.. He said He had been waiting for me to acknowledge that.. that i can't do it by my own strenght. if only i had taken the time to lean on Him. true, that the last few months i had heard from Him, but not in this same way and not about something so personal.. not a revelation. through this, He had taught me that i had to LISTETN. to really seek Him to listen tot what He had to say.
i thanked Him for sending me friends like trees, matt and gerald, that He used them to teach me this important lesson i had forgotten. and He said that though He had sent them, it wouldn't have made a difference if i hadn't LISTENED. hahahaha. then..
God: this year will be a year of rest
abby: HUH! are you sure?! YA RIGHT... A levels leh!
God: wait and see, i will give you a year of rest. i will redefine rest for you
abby: okay (:
and then i was reminded by an sms Jay had sent me on new year's eve. it went sth like "happy new year... have a blessed year of rest".
abby: OMG! Jay said that and i was thinking, HAH! YOU have a year of rest, i'll be slaving away. haha (Jay, if you read this, sorry! haha)
God: seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee... you NEVER LISTEN!
abby: -blush
keke.
and guess where i am now?
i'm at home resting! haha. thank you trees for smsing me from school and reminding me that God did tell me that last week (:
jeanette messaged me this morning.. haha. and when i told her i was home she said
"rest.. not slack ar"
(:
there, the first boundary of the definition of 'rest' set. haha.
my God you are so BIG
and so STRONG
and so MIGHTY!
another quote from 07S03N in 2006! haha
gerald: *puts his arm around joash during lecture*
joash: tsk. gerald, i think we need to refrain from bodily contact!
gerald: - looks peeved - as i recall, last lecture you were okay with it!!
haha.
my life is in ur hands, and in that, i REST (:
a tribute to my Godsistas! (: thanks for everything trees, matt and laila! :D
that's my arm and that's my declaration. Jesus i will follow you!
top: jan! (:
bottom: drea! (:
6 years of friendship, 4 years of closeness. despite all the trials... all the rough patches, i'm glad we're still standing by each other. if the strength of friendshp is measured by the tests we go through together, i believe the strength of our friendship will carry us through whatever else comes our way! (:
leader's appreciation dinner: abby, pastor joyce, crystal/mentor/THREEHOLES!
keke, just two of the people who moulded me to what i am today.
so if you think i'm weird, take a closer look at them! HAHA! =P
________________
11:57 PM
6 random things about myself (:
1) today, in macs with trees, i randomly decided to write 6 random things about myself so i guess that proves i can be random (i'm transferring this from paper now (: )
2) i think i'll look super weird in the macdonald's hat *trees grunts*
3) i think i've been real blessed with wonderful girlfriends who never fail to be there for me, pick me up when i fall (: joylynn! charm! vanessa! rjcellsgirls: drea jan trees zhiying tings! ally! (: ok fine, and guy friends too. sherron! ron! charles! nick! sam! thank God for you all! (:
4) i'm not sexist
i merely love that i'm female (:
5) i hate vectors =S (hooray for trees who managed to catch up with tutorial 11A1 (: )
6) caramel apple chips please!
GERALD'S STUPID MOMENT
at macs... geraldstupidtay sends an sms
gerald: hello aunty how are you?
abby: i got stomach cancer! kiddin. i got adams gastric flu. haha thanks for asking uncle slash good fren :) [i meant adam passed his gastric flu to me. haha]
gerald: what is adams gastric flu?!
abby and trees: its the gastric flu that adam maclaurin discovered. spread through inhalation of stale rancid body gas. :( [we chose maclaurin over makornikoff (wateva) coz we know gerald's chem is better than his math (:]
gerald: .. is it painful.. how long to recover.. coming sch tmr.. why aren't you sleeping.
abby and trees: its ok its not serious. trees says i'll be fine if you stop burping :)
gerald: are you pulling my leg abt this flu..
hehe. we seriously thought he was being sacarstic in his second and third sms! serves you right gerald! for calling us stupid everyday. hehehe
but did i mention i have awesome classmates?! (: this is why! (: tada!
and we conclude.. Gerald is a good fren (: HOORAY! [stop burping in our faces!]
some 07SO3N quotes (:
walking into bio lab last year.. we find a surprise test on our tables..
ms hor: ok class! as you can see, today we will be having a surprise test! (:
adam: ok we're surprised. can we go now?
during one of our first few gp classes last year..
ryan: there cannot be gender equality because girls can do what guys can do but guys can't do what girls can do!
-stands up dramatically and starts pounding the table with his index finger-
ryan: i can't say.. I DEMAND THE RIGHT TO BE PREGNANT!
da xuan de shi hou... abby and trees support PAP! haha
charlene: I DONT CARE! I SUPPORT DOUBLE-YOO-PEEEEEE COME AND SUUUUEEE MMMEEEE!!
random morning assembly 2006..
hanx: Ryan.. your bag's crushing my bag
ryan: Now.. isn't that sweet?
[Chem lab]
MrTham: You guys must always wash your burette! You never know, maybe the previous user got really bad results, then -pui!- into the burette..
Elizabeth: He's giving us ideas.
[Chem lesson]
MrTham: Steric hindrance!! The backside too big, then cannot have backside attack.. ... you need to cleave it first!
Matthias: -alarmed tone- Huh? Need to clean it first?!
[Chem lab]
MrTham: To achieve level8 for SPA, you must demonstrate high levels of manipulative skills..
Abby: Iago! (Who came to both Trees' and my mind too! HAHA!)~ kopes from qings! (:
[Chem lecture]
lecturer: ... and then you'll see one miscible layer..
ryan: huh? one miserable layer?
during break 06... we get muggerfied :S
someone mentioned: .... char-1-ene!
qings/nat: (realises the connection) zomg! you're an alkene!
qings: HAHA! you have isomers! char-2-ene, char-3-ene!
charlene: -buaysong face- yarh so? what do you want to do with me. electrophilic addition?
qings/Nat: LOL.. (almost simultaneously!) hey let's hydrolyse her/hydrate her!
qings: Add Hcl to Charlene..
Nat: (aq) or CCl4 arh?? Hmm HX...should be (aq).. ZOMG! HX is HanXin!!!
After a while of discussion..
Nat: So we put HanXin and Charlene together in a waterbath!!
qings: nono should be sauna! need heat right?? then HanXin attacks Charlene...
Charlene: oi can your stop it. it's getting dam disgusting
after our last chem spa of 2006
adam: *draws and orange* hey abby whats this?
abby: an orange?
adam: *writes -CH3* whats this?
abby: huh? i dunno..
adam: methy orange!!
down the stairs...
hyqel: yayyy! chem is fun! chemistry puts the cation in education!
one day, trackers and crossers were called for a meeting near the GO after assembly. matt, abby, eli are late for class...
mr tan: why are you all late?
matt/abby/eli: err.. we had a meeting
mr tan: joash also had the meeting but how come he's here already?
abby: oh coz we're in cross country, he's a sprinter.
at sentosa...
hanx: is it me or did the bridge just sag?
girls: -.- high tide lar
one of those manymany days when adam has his sniffles (:
us: adam are you ok? what are you allergic to?
adam: -gives the taokay expression and moans most grudgingly- LLLLIIIFFFFEEE
ok tt's all for today! (: hopefully 2007 will be just as funny! haha. may A level stress not take away our sense of humour (:
leader's appreciation dinner: vanessa*babbyyy! (: my <3
combine service: we're more than just classmates. we're sisters in Christ!what more can a girl ask for? (:
jc grad nite: joylynn! (:
________________
10:52 PM
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
| You Are 82% Grown Up, 18% Kid |
 Your emotional maturity is fully developed, and you have an excellent grasp on your emotions.
In fact, you are so emotionally mature - you should consider being a therapist! |
YES! i'm emotionally mature! =P
school's starting tomorrow. the holidays just flew by "in the blink of an eye".
PJ was talking about new year resolutions, so i shall make some too.. SO THERE PJ! (:
1) really make JC / 3N my ministry.
i wont let my year long ministry break go to waste!
2) do tutorials before tutorial (thanks eli)
yesyes, be a good student. OR PAY =S
3) read my bible and pray everyday NO MATTER WHAT tests or exams there are the next day
4) be a good cell member in Sean's area and Nicky's cell
yeap! to be a good leader, you have to first learn how to follow and i'm gonna make full use of this year-long break to learn that (:
5) be committed to my mentee and mentor relationships
6) be a good daughter
7) be focussed on my goals in the classroom and on the track
8) be a good friend
9) train properly for 10k! (:
10) listen to sermon tapes and other preachers
- evolution and the bible etc
i think tt should be all ba. haha.
i'm missing my area :(
so, this is dedicated to my dear NORTH SOUTH AREA 2006.
keep the faith! keep rocking for our God. PJ said before, and i agree, you guys are a passionate bunch of people, so keep that passion for Jesus! (:
central, support your new AO, Sean Kong (: it's gonna be one wacky year under him!
RGS and Cedar, support your new AO, Caroline and Crystal! (: just dont be too influenced by their weirdness! =P
i'd also like to thank some people for 2006...
firstly, thank you Jesus. for bringing me through all those trials. thank you for bringing me out stronger and wiser. thank you for moulding my character even more, shaping me even though it hurt. thank you for my family, friends.. and all the other blessings you've placed i nmy life.. my cca, horse riding, job, area, church, school... (: (: thank you for the penang trip, the church camp, and most of all, thank you for bringing me to Your Holy Land.
thank you trees, for being there for me throughout the year (:
thank you ally, for being that friend i could go to in my time of need (:
thank you charm, for being my support and strength, esp when i felt like a failure in ministry (:
thank you joylynn, for ur prayer, love and concern (:
thank you vanessa, for all ur love (:
thank you nick, for supporting me and being a great son! haha, and for the 10k run (:
thank you sherron, for the encouragements and words of wisdom (:
thank you jean, for ur understanding and care (:
thank you joachim, for teaching me, guiding me (:
thank you crystal, for mentoring me and showing me the way (:
thank you caroz and yihui, for going through AOTship with me and for your frenship (:
thank you PJ, for ur pastoral care and wackiness (:
thank you randolf, for ur 'stupid' stories and at times, advice (:
thank you charles, for being a brother (:
thank you sam yuan, for friendship (:
thank you shaun, for being there in my ministry and helping out in every possible way (:
thank you ming, drea, jo, manda, suting, eugenia, shawn, gerlaine, dale, gerry for leading the cells i NS area, u guys did great! (:
thank you sam, guoren, gabriel, cheryl, rach, ben for the concert! (:
thank you 3N, for making school bearable! (:
thank you godsister trees, laila and matt for all the late nights and rooftop dinners! (:
thank you mish, ally, charlene, rach, avery for UK trip! (:
thank you PW mates, vani, gerald, xiaoting and eli! (:
thank you ppl who supported me thru my grandma's death, xuan, jan, zhengxin, isaac, ern etc etc (:
thank you RJ cell, for the fun times, when i went for cell haha (:
thank you jie, deb, kim, wen, mum, dad, yiyi, jiu jiu, yizhang, ming yi for the penang trip! (:
thank you czekin, theodore, lucinda, tian wei, charlene, joey, joy, jason, jasmine, germaine, cord for church camp! (:
thank you joseph, joy, joshua, jay, kenny, sharon for the fun on israel trip! (:
goodbye 2006.
HELLO 2007!
*snarls* hello A levels. Bring It On~
________________
10:08 AM
Friday, December 22, 2006
what do you do when the world tells you who you shld be?
tt u gotta be pretty, smart, sporty, musical... haha. that you gotta be perfect.
tt u girls have gotta be skinny and show some skin
tt u boys have gotta be big and show some muscle
i think...
u look to God and see yourself through His eyes
and you be who He created you to be; a Christfollower.
________________
3:45 AM
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
kekeke. i was reading on my throne. and i found a poem that describes my exact tots that day in June on the mountains in UK. its uncanny.
She died, - this was the way she died;
And when her breath was done,
Took up her simple wardrobe
And started for the sun.
Her little figure at the gate
The angels much have spied,
Since I could never find her
Upon the mortal side
- Vanished, Emily Dickinson
every painful memory, every vivid image of that moutainside clearly etched in my memory, every emotion... sewed together into a beautiful piece of fabric through this poem, and i heal a little more (=
________________
12:35 AM
Monday, November 20, 2006
I love my work (:
Its more than just teaching kids how to ride a horse/pony. It’s about teaching them self-confidence, trust, communication and how to listen.
Many people think that riding a horse is equivalent to sitting on a horse’s back like a sack of potatoes and trying to stay on (with the help of a saddle) while the horse moves. That’s just plain ignorance, I say.
Someone once told me that to be able to ride means to be able to control any horse that you are on. If you can only ride on horse (perhaps because you just get along well with the horse or the horse isn’t stubborn and all too willing to listen), you still can’t ride. Moreover, horses change just like humans do. (: Buckay used to be a rather nasty lil’ thing who’d swing her head ahead to nip you in the butt any chance she got. Now, however, she’s a whole lot fatter, but a whole lot sweeter too. (: Stand by her head and hug her head with one arm and she’ll slowly drift off to sleep, until you can’t support the weight of her head anymore. Haha. And if you can ride Buckay, it doesn’t mean you can ride Mimo or Smint. (Mimo likes to run away with you or buck, Smint adores bucking.) Then again, if you can ride Mimo in flat work, it doesn’t mean you can jump her over fences. Just like Addison, she sure gets excited at the prospect of being allowed to jump. They’re what Leng calls speedy-gonzalous. Haha. Also, just because you can ride Smint around the areana, doesn’t mean you can ride him out on the polo field. Just because you can jump Getaway in the arena doesn’t mean you can ride him in the jungle. Haha. Ok ok, u get my drift.
Every horse and every ride is different and challenging, that’s one reason why I love it.
Teaching kids to ride… has been more than enjoyable, its been fulfilling.
Sure, I’ve met some lil’ horrors. Haha. Like this boy who seems to really believe he’s a potato sack on his pony. Ponies are very different from vehicles ya know. You can’t just push a button to get them to do what you want them to do. Haha. And then there was this girl, who talks more than she rides. My goodness. Haha.
On the other hand, there’s this little 5 year-old girl called Saraphina. She was rather terrified of riding so last week we pulled her out of group lesson and gave her private lessons. She was very hesitant, hardly daring to lead her pony into the arena by herself. Every simple exercise I asked her to do, she’ll look at me with those (literally) puppy dog eyes and say, “I’m scared.” Then I removed the saddle, got her to ride with only the saddlecloth on and took her on a walk outside the arena, under the trees and on the grass. Slowly I encouraged her to hug the pony’s (Jasmine’s) neck whilst I led the pony in a walk. Then I got her to lie down on Jasmine’s back and tell me what she saw up in the trees. However, she was still slightly frightened and never let go of my hand. Every time Jasmine shifted her weight, she’ll get frightened and tense up. One week later, I took her for a lesson again yesterday.
Abby: do you want to ride bareback today?
Saraphina: yes! *beeeg smile * (I could see her two front teeth were just beginning to come out (: )
This time the saddlecloth came out, so Saraphina rode totally bareback. I told her to hold Charlie’s mane so I could hold the reigns and lead him around the outside of the arena. She was more comfortable this time, but wouldn’t let go of the mane. And then I asked her if she liked High School Musical and she told me her favorite song is Breaking Free, so I started singing and so did she. Haha, even I began to have fun singing with her. Haha. And when we passed by Maneesha (12 year old) and this other slightly disabled girl (both of whom had asked me to burn them a cd of HSM songs the weeks before. Haha), they both looked at us in surprised and began singing too. So, I took out my handphone and played Breaking Free whilst Saraphina and I sang along.
Abby: hey! Soaring, flying, you have to put your arms out!
Kekeke, and she did! She let go of the mane and opened her arms out. I will never forget the confidence I saw in her face that day. Haha. A 5 year-old girl riding without a saddle and with her arms spread out, balancing only by her seat on the pony’s back. I call that a miracle. (: Especially when it’s a timid girl who had no confidence in herself whatsoever. (Last week she told me she had cried coz her tuition homework was too hard. Tuition! At 5! What on earth?! And for three subjects too. No wonder she has no confidence in herself!)
And this time, when I asked her to lie down on the pony’s back, she lay down, completely relaxed, like a rag doll. Haha. Even when Charlie started to walk backwards and sideways, she lay there like nothing in the world could bother her.
Boy, the smile on her mum’s face was a bonus too. Haha.
Then there’s this other 5 year-old girl called Vivian Goh who is a special kid. The first time I took her…
*Jasmine sighs *
Vivian: *GASPS* what the horse doing?
Abby: the horse is breathing (:
Vivian: the horse is breathing? Like me? The horse breath like me?
Hahaha. And..
Vivian: last time the horse small?
Abby: yep! Then the horse grow big! Like you, Vivian big girl now right? (:
Vivian: the horse grow big? Like me? The horse grow like me?
Haha, makes you think about the simple things in life that can bring you joy if you look at it from a different perspective.
And then there’s this new kid, 4 year-old Natalie. She only joined us last week and she’s autistic. Hence, her mother was quite concerned because Natalie loves ponies but once she’s frightened by something, she’ll never do it again. A petite little girl, she was very reserved and it took me 5 mins to coax her into approaching her pony. Every time Jessie moved, Natalie would jump away or hide behind me. Last week I only taught her how to give the pony a nudge with her legs to get the pony to walk. Then I brought her to show off to her parents. Haha.
Natalie: Mummy, look at me. (her intonation is really cute, really sweet. And she’s got an adorable face)
Yesterday I took her lesson again and this time she was hopping about, extremely excited.
Natalie: is it my turn? Is it my turn?
Haha. So sweet I tell you. She even looked me in the face yesterday, (she’s autistic rmb, so it’s a huge deal (: ) and she talked a whole lot more. Haha. Quite a chatterbox. I let her ride bareback too (she’s so light I can just lift her up unto the pony’s back)
Natalie: I’m riding a pony! (lol, u gotta hear the way she says it. Her voice is filled with wonder and amazement.. its… heart warming. Haha. See it the way kids’ see it; the world is beautiful)
Haha she’s been starting her lessons with, “Can I have a ride?” haha.
There are these two other girls, Fik and Fak (for short). Obviously, they’re sisters. Haha. Fik’s the younger sister, 7 year old I think. And whenever they see me, they shout my name, even if I’m 100m away and there’s a crowd of strangers around. Haha. And they always ask if I’m gonna teach them. Lol. Cute lil’ girls. Once, I got them to hold the reigns in one hand and make circles with their other arm. I called it Polo, like playing polo. Haha, couldn’t’ get them to stop after that. And one day…
Fik: Abby! (in her lil squeaky malay voice) I love you.
Hahahahaha. <3<3
Once, we were having a lesson and it started to pour. It only made the more gleeful and I didn’t mind rain or the cold that was seeping into my bones. I felt like my skin had become a sponge. The lesson was cut short after the rain got heavy enough to blind you. But that didn’t stop Fik, Fak, Maneesha, Tobias or Fabio. Haha! They ran right out into the rain and into the puddles, almost rolling in them. It reminded me of the time when I was just like them and brought a smile to my face. But now, now I’m just a big girl sitting with the adults, drying off everything fun in life.
Haha, watching them made me feel both young and old at the same time.
Hehe. Talking about feeling old, there was this 50+ caucasian lady who has lessons too. Its very encouraging to see someone her age get up on a horse and even canter (tho her husband told her not to do anything that might risk her falling off, or breaking anything. Haha) When I’m that age, I’ll still be jumping horses, I say! (=
I'm more than just
Your average girl
I'd like to turn me up
And show the world
Cuz some can talk to talk
But this girl just wants to rock
I'm individual
I'm not like anyone
I can be glam-or-ous
Just like you see in all the magazines
I can be cool as ice
Or anything I wanna be
Who said, who said
I can't be Superman
I say, I say
That I know I can
Who said, who said
I won't be President
I say, I say
You ain't seen nothin' yet
You wanna make some noise
Every girl has her choice
To lead their own parade
I do it my way
I can be somethin' sweet
Or louder than the radio
Louder than the radio
I can be sophis-ti-cated
Or totally good
Or totally good
Who said, who said
I can't be Superman
I say, I say
That I know I can
Who said, who said
I'm not electrifying
I say, I say
[pause]
There's no holding back
Hangin' right on track
Cuz you control the game
So let them know your name
No limitations on imagination
Im-a-gi-nationnnnn
Yea!!
Who said, who said
I can't be worldwide
I say, I say
Time is on my side
Who said, who said
I can't be 10 feet tall
I say, I say
That I can have it all
Who said, who said
I can't be Superman
I say, I say
That I know I can
Who said, who said
I won't be president
I say, I say
You ain't seen nothin' yet
You ain't seen nothin' yet
That's right!
~ Who Said. Hannah Montana
If i had it my way
i would change the rules
that sounds cool
if i had it my way
i would change the world
just one girl
~ If i had it my way. Emma Roberts
Beautiful Lord
Wonderful savior
I know for sure
All of my days are
Held in your hand
Crafted into your perfect plan
You gently called me
Into your presence
Guiding me by
Your holy spirit
Teach me dear lord
To live all of my life
Through your eyes
I’m captured by your holy calling
Set me apart
I know you’re drawing me to yourself
Use me Lord I pray
Take me
Mould me
Use me
Walk beside me
I give my life to the Potter’s hands.
i tot i'd have to go overseas to get my instructor's cert before i could teach for extra money during my university days. now i can do it here! (:
Go chase your dreams. (:
________________
4:38 PM
Monday, November 13, 2006
Once tagged by this entry, the assignment is to write a blog entry of some kind with six random facts about yourself. Then, pick six of your friends and tag them; no tag backs. This explanation should be included.
1) i regretted going to adam's blog for a good read after i saw this: "I am tagging RYAN, ABBY, ELI, NATALIE, GERARD and SHARON". whoops. that was the firsr thing that came to my mind and i guess it doesn't actually count as a random fact about myself so.. *ahems* i'll start again.
1) i used to hate chocolate and milo in primary school. dont ask me why. i used to think that chocolate was too drying on the throat to be eaten. and then i grew up. and now, like almost every other girl, i truly believe that chocolate and ice cream can solve problems (: and milo began to taste alot nicer when milo trunks appeared that the national schools track and field, and swimmming competitions when i was primary 6. since i was competing in both sports, i think i drank the most free milo in the whole of singapore :P HOORAY!
2) sometimes i wonder if i'm what i was supposed to be. haha. ok maybe i should explain lest i sound like some philosophyfreak wondering if there's a higher being out there making a worm believe it's a human girl called abby. hee. i'm a tracker and exswimmer who was born asthmatic and flat footed. and i quote a certain doctor who really REALLY got on my nerves, "you're not made to run, just quit running, i tell you, just quit." oh tish tosh. i like it, enjoy it and i'm not gonna let some medical know-it-all interfere with my passion and other things science cannot explain. muahaha. so there.
3) i studied in Thailand for two and a half years when my dad's company got posted there. the international school i studied at, Bangkok Patana School, opened my eyes to many things in life that you can't learn in Singapore, much less out of a textbook. just today, i met up with Jen, my first friend in Bangkok and best friend henceforth. we've lost contact with our other friends but we're trying to trace them!! :( :( emma, joanna, steven, william, nicoe, ashely, brittany, neils, daniel, susan, priya etc etc. haha, i remember the fun times we had shaking young trees to dance in the leaf-rain at the stepping stones, running away from "man-eating" geese near the Thai block, oogling at high school couples making out, playing catching/freeze and melt/ chasing the boys into the toilet and guarding the door till the bell rang, locking the boys in the cupboard and getting lectured for it, building a wooden model house complete with furniture for the town mouse and country mouse as a class, dressing up as vikings, eygptians and the like, going around school with our 'passports' on international day, coordinating our (girls') uniform colour which included red.blue.pink.green.lightgreen.purple.yellow, earning 500 marbles as a class so we can go to the adventure playground, yelling at the peeking toms in the girlsbathroom after swimming PE, feeding the random school cats pizza, forming a secret club, going for birthday parties.sleepovers and poolparties, playing trading and collecting pongs and slammers (i remember i once traded SEVEN pongs with some guy for a cool slammer but my mum made me give it back coz it had a skull ticket on top. rarh. i was so mad), putting up class plays, getting involved in the whole who-crushed-me-and-you game, learning typing on the computers outside our classrooms, reading at the reading corners, sitting on mrD's lap yada yada. haha. i loved those childhood days.
4) ok i'm gonna risk embarrassing myself and saying this, i've never had a crush on anyone yet. haha! some ppl call it the gift of celibacy, some just say 'im anti-guy. i say i'm neither, i dunno what i am, i'm waiting. haha.
5) i think i want to have a son when i get married, simply because i think i'd be entertained for the rest of my life (: admit it, boys do the dumbest things and hence are amusing. if your daughter falls down and cry, you can't laugh at her, but with your son, its a different story. and when he grows up, you can start laughing at him (behind his back if needed)and his antics as he tries to get girls' attention.and then you get to laugh at him when he gets his crowning glory sheared off to slog it out in the army ;) wouldn't it be nice? haha. but then i'd want a daughter too, after all that torture.
6) i have one best friend who noes me better than i noe myself (=
hooray i'm done! (:
and i tag sarahyeoyiping, trees (u can do it on the class blog. hee), andrea, janice, aaron, samyuan.
olayolayolayolay~
________________
7:17 PM
i'm come to a decision about that.
yikes, it was such a hard decision to make.
but i realised.. that if i wanted to fulfill my purpose in life... believing that because it's God purpose for me is not enough. faith without action is dead
and so, i'm at that place.. just a few feet away from the mountain peak where you stop to look down to marvel at how far you've come and look up through the pain in your muscles to see how far more you have to go. and wonder if it's all worth it. but i'm no quiter. its just isn't something you do.. to give up. i noe i'd rather suffer the lactic acid and the ringing in my ears after a good hard race, finishing it whether in glory or not, than to walk back along the sidelines.
my dicision is final. and i did it. i wasn't swayed through the talk. and i realised many things..
my dad dwas a youth leader in church before too,when he was exactly my age. and he made the mistake of focussing more on his ministry than on his studies, which was his first calling as a student for God at that time. as a result, he repeated J2.
my mum came from a poor family and outshone all her three siblings but lived in self doubt, always going out to achieve something just below her own capabilities.
though i've known these for years... hearing them tell me their stories over and over again.. i never quite thought much about it. until now. when i see the effects these incidences have on myparents lives coming down upon me in the form of, pressure.
i just read a book about how a mother kept silent whilst her daughter was being abused by her husband. and how in turn, her daughter kept mumb whilst her husband beat up her 4 year-old till she was bloody in the face. what struck me more was how the characters of these two mothers were moulded because of their experiences and how the same traits were passed down to their children. *sits and thinks*
if you keep going in the right direction, you end up travelling in a circle. displacement = zero.
ha. ha.
and its funny that you use a compass to help you draw those circles...
so i'll just live life for all its worth (: (:
making some left decisions and some right ones, as long as you learn from them, u'll travel straight ;)
________________
5:21 PM
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
its the time of the year again,when God does an evaluation with me... when i'm put through the fire.
it hasn't been an easy year. no, in fact, it has been the hardest year of my life. adjusting to jc life was a challenge in itself, and adjusting to aotship made it harder. then came running away from running and finally succumbing and admitting that i've got a passion for track. and so, on march 30th 2006, abby cheng joined rjc track and field. in that was a wonderful yet tough journey as well, changing my running style... learning to hurdle... but i've come out loving running even more (: and now i have a new love; hurdling. then on 17th may 2006, my grandma whom i loved so much and was so close to my heart was snatched from my life. it was all so sudden i didn't have time to breathe nor reaction when my heart was ripped out of my rib cage. 8 days later, i celebrated my first birthday without her, knowing that she had already started planning for that birthday. the next day, 9 days after her death, i flew half way around the world on the UK Literature trip. away from my family and grieving loved ones, i shoved my grief and mourning down to the depths of my soul. maybe that wasn't the best thing to do but if faced with the same situation again, i'd have done the same thing. through that experience, my God taught me to lean on Him no matter what. in a foreign land with new friends and no family to turn to, i turned to my Jesus and He satisfied. the trip opened my eyes and became one of the most enriching experiences of my life. (other than the mission trip to the outskirts of thailand in 2005) back in Singapore, the common tests sped towards us in 10 days whilst the world was enraptured by the world cup. back in Singapore, the demands of commitment in church weighed down upon me and i found myself questioning procedures. the week after that, was the interschool national championships and i never felt more unprepared for a competition before. nevertheless, God brougth me to it and through it strong. being and aot this year has taught me many things. it has brought me new friends and pushed me to a new spiritual level. i was pushed out of my comfort zone and into organizing area gatherings and the daunting task of preparing a sermon and preaching. no, the road was not smooth. and sometimes expectations all around me made it impossible for me to hold my head up. sometimes even your siblings in christ can hurt you and sometimes an organization can be unforgiving. rj cell has been a blessing to me. although i could never really join them, it was comforting to know that there were those in my school walking the Christian walk with me. at times however, i just wanted to be a girl, abby, not aot, especially in rj cell. but i thank God for the sweet brothers and sisters i have in that cell (: especially sue jen, shu ching and faith. being an aot has made me feel more far away from peers of my age than ever before. but i counted the cost and carried on. in a way, God used this to bring me closer to Him, He is my best friend.
after all that, God brings me back... going through the sequence of events over and over again. what have i learnt? what have i done? how have i grown? where am i in fulfilling my seasonal calling and my long term calling?
as an aot, it has warmed my heart to see people like alisa, adeline, chee yann, shirleen, amandaong, johannes, andrea, weiming, shawn tan, jeron, suting, eugenia, dale, gerrykhong, shaun lee, glenn lee, christine grow. and if there's anything i've done right, anything i'll take with me through my life from this experience, its is the amount by which my faith has grown when these people's growth touched my life and encouraged me to keep walking and keep fighting the Christian fight.
as a jc student, i thank God for my classmates of funky S03N that made the transition and life in jc so much easier and so much more vibrant. they made the unforgiving Raffles Junior College under the Singapore Education System so much more bearable and the experience so much more memorable.
and there are other ppl i have to thank for helping me com this far.. ppl who supported me through my grandma's death: sherron, andrea, janice, joylynn, charmaine, aaron, randolf, jeanette, joachim, ern, isaac, chucky, terese, avery, alison, rachel, michelle, samyuan, charles you, caroline, yihui, nicholas, xuanyi, vanessa yap... i noe it has almost been 6 months. but i still miss her dreadfully everyday and it haunts me at night. but thank you for touching my life and giving me your love (:
and then there are christian brothers and sisters who have amazed me with their love for the lost and allowed me to go on that voyage with them: samlim, guoren, ben, choonwing, gabriel, xianhui, cherylkhoong, rachelang, terese, elisa... i thank God for this group of people that have reached out their hands to more than a hundred of their schoolmates and have opened their hearts to many more.
my grandma wasn't very bright. through an arrnaged marriage, she was married into a bright family... a richer one too. she used to tell me about all the things she suffered through to bring her family (my mum, aunties and uncle) where they are today. it defintiely wasn't easy for her. and i admire her strength, and her love for my Jesus. through all the ridicule and unfair treatment, she was still able to love... and to love so unselfishly. i know she was proud of my achievements on the track, in the swimming pool, in the horse riding arena and in school. and i studied all the harder, just to see her smile and for her to boast to her friends about my academics, something she wasn't able to do for herself... i loved to see the smile on her face and the pride in her voice. and i think... i was cruelly happy to give her something she had lacked that had made her looked down upon earlier in her life. and this year, i missed her telling me i could do it before every exam. i missed going to her house after a competition with my medals and trophies.. i missed lying next to her and watching her breathe and listening to her deafening snore and the laugh that followed it when we poked her to get her to stop snoring (: she had been such a big part of my life and i didn't noe until she disappeared so suddenly. i still remember her on the hospital bed, and telling her how round and cuted she looked (: i still remember lying next to her on teh hospital bed until the nurses rained verbal abuse down on my head to get me off. i remember bringing her 6 stalks of roses... 3 pink and 3 red. i remembered wanting to fufill my dream of becoming a doctor so that i coudl take care of her in her old age.. to learn about all the medication they were giving her. and then i blinked and she was gone. i lost some of my motivation to study. i had so longed for the day when i could bring her my university admission form.. the day when she'd see me in a white coat. and then she was gone and i was left with my dreams un-anchored.
and i turn to You. to fulfill my dreams and the calling you have for me. it still hurts Lord, it still does. help me look beyond my circumstances. help me love.
and to end all that rambling... Lord, what is it that you have for me to learn this year? i feel as if you've put me into the refining fire yet again and i'm willing to stay here whilst you scoop, and scoop, all the impurities out of me. it doesn't feel good, and i find it so hard to come into our presense now... i'm ashamed, of my selfish and sinful nature. of my selfish and sinful actions. and i'm sorry Father, and i pray that you'll still use me for all you wanted me to be.
________________
11:56 AM
Sunday, October 15, 2006
all my life
there was jus tme and my dreams
and the days went tickin' by
like the beat of my heart
spent my nights
wonderin' how it would feel
when the waiting would end
and tomorrow would start
suddenly i see the light
out of the darkness i'm comin' alive
so this is how it feels
Reachin' for Heaven
this is how it feels
kissin' the sky
this is what it means
touching forever
like a phoenix rising from the flames
i'm reachin' for heaven
all this time
i never knew i was so strong
but you made me find the fire
that was tehre all along
in your eyes
i can see all i can be
suddenly i want it all
and i know you'll catch me if ever i fall
so this is how it feels
reachin' for heaven
and this is how it feels
kissin' the sky
this is what it means
touching forever
like a phoenix rising from the flames
i'm reachin' fo rheaven
you alone have shown me
shining new hope rises now for all
i owe yo u
it's my turn to show you
my new song for my God, my Jehovah Jireh (=
two weeks ago i kinda applied for a job at a stables, hoping to work with horses and earning money whilst close to the animals i love. i prayed about this opportunity and tried not to be discouraged when i didn't receive any phone call from them. i kept going back to see the horses tho, and making friends with one of the ladies there. i even rode there once (= daddy said that if i wanted it, i shld go get it. anways, i shared with this new friend that i'd like to be a horse riding instructor one day.
a few days later, by God's grace, she called me and told me her boss would like to speak with me the next day. my fren was hoping to help me pursue my interest and passion, she saw me helping out with pony rides and stable management at the stables and eventually helping out with the lessons for junior riders.
yesterday, i went and spoke with the boss (: she wants to groom me to be a riding instructor and she's essentially paying me for it. today i will go for observation; sit in on a lesson another instructor takes and then the next lesson i will conduct. the boss says that if all goes well, i can arrange for my own lessons the following week and that will be my job (:
PRAISE THE LORD! its a dream come true... prayer works! all my life it was just me and my dreams... but now my dreams are becoming a reality. and i thank you Lord i thank you thank yoU! (: (:
there was once i had a vision of me riding on a horse next to Jesus, and we were going for battle. He turned to me and said, "Ride beside me". then He smiled, "What do you think i let you take riding lessons for". i remembered this vision at the altar yesterday when i had another one... but this time, even though both visions were set in the same place, this one seemed to be a continuation (: and it was of my Lord and i, with an army of Christ-followers, charging upon enemy grounds. however, i began to fall behind, my Jesus was far ahead of me in battle. den i prayed, i prayed fervently in tongues, in desperation and my steed and i caught up with our Savior (: He seemed to have waited for us... because of His love for us. haha.
everyday, i want to grow to love you moooorreeee.
some ask me why i love horses. i concluded it was because i'm enchanted by speed, power and grace. perhaps i see in horses what i'd like to see in myself... all that plus strength, God's beauty, faith and trust in their riders (for me, my God).
there's something special in a horse, and at the glorious return of our Lord Jesus Christ, He will be mounted upon... well, a horse (:
elijah was taken to heaven in firing chariots drawn by horses... (:
on another note, i thank God for joylynn (: a beautiful sister in christ who has led me, taught me and guided me. hooray for joylynn! thanks for being who you are girl (: all the best for the rest of ur mocks! -hugs
________________
7:57 AM
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
(dumbo! do you noe how hard it is to find a dumbo nowadays? yes, so this is my children's day present to self (: )
HAPPY CHILDREN'S DAY!
promos is finally over and i wont look at my beloved pineapple tarts and see benzene rings anymore! WHEEE! we went out to play play play! and tml we're going out to play again! and i've got so many things planned out.. so many meaningful things to do with my life.
ahhhh, i feel so blessed (:
to all taking N levels:
lisa, vanessa, marc, deb...
JIAYOu! ALL THE BEST! (:
________________
1:17 AM
Thursday, September 21, 2006
I thank God for this sister in Christ (:
drea, u've blessed my life (:
abbY*:
It's a amazing how You can speak right to my heart
without saying a word, you can light up the dark
try as i may i can never explain
what i hear when You dont say a thing
Jesus:
The smile on your face
lets me know that you need me
there's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me
abbY*:
The touch of your hand says You'll catch me
whenever i fall
You say it best
when You say nothing at all
abbY*:
All day long i can hear people talking out loud
but when You hold me near
You drown out the crowd
try as they may
they can never define
what's been said between Your heart and mind
Jesus:
The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
there's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me
abbY*:
The touch of Your hand says You'll catch me
whenever i fall
You say it best
when you say nothing at all
u noe, there are times when in your walk with God he seems to be so silent, like he isn't there and isn't listening to you. oftentimes, this happens when your life is getting messy... but u noe, God does this so that you will seek him, harder than ever before! so that you will learn to trust him and lean on him at times like this when you are not strong, and to lean on him even when things are going your way (: no idea why i'm posting this, just felt like it (: and its been too long since i've blogged about anything meaningful aka my walk with God/what we've talked about. haha. so there (:
Lord, thank you for being there for me (: forever and for always. for being patient and kind and understanding... and making me laugh when im down (: u're all i ever want, you satisfy (:
give me strength Father, so that indeed, i will never leave you.
i love you Lord.
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9:40 PM
Friday, September 15, 2006
inner struggle of emotions.. and u just can't seem to pin point The One emotion that has you wound up..
you dont noe the person who took his life personally.. and yet the sadness and sense of lost is still there..
maybe for his frens and family members who have had their world shattered.. torn to pieces.
or maybe, for him. he who did what he did for reasons maybe only he will noe
and so with the conflict in my mind and heart. i shall blog and hope it all becomes better through this oddly therapeutic form of technology.
strange that the feeling can be so overwhelming.. i dont dare venture to think of what his close frens and family must be going through. seems like the more u get on with life, the more death seems to find its way to you.
trivial stuff seem to matter so much now. seem to have been blown up.. that makes he who walked the same corridors, who took the same lessons, did the same tutorials.. more personal and closer.. as though you knew him as a fren simply because you can identify with the same social instituion and body of people as he.
the way he left was tragic
the atmosphere in school today was.. a mixture of shock, confusion, forced normality, dissappointment, sadness, constipation. it seemed as though all were at a lost as to how to respond. what do we say? who do we comfort? how do we say what we want to say? what are we feeling? how do we deal with what we are feeling? we were at a lost as to what to do.. how do you carry on acting normal when things just aren't? as pockets of the student population reeled from shock, an emergency civics lesson was called.. and everything that proceeded from henceforth was eerie.. as though taken out from a dreadful japanese horror movie.. almost like a scene from Battle Royale.. i never want to sit through another civics lesson like that again.. under the eagle eyes of our civics tutor and the counsellor.. scanning our faces as though trying to detect from a distance the slightest sign of.. what were they looking for? and a classmate left.. when they offered counselling in the multi purpose room.. when a torrent of emotions.. huge waves of overwhelming feelings fight their way around in ur chest.. and u want to cry but u want to laugh in denial.. u want to run away but you want to stay to sit and think through the mess before you.. it was too tragic to be true.
maybe because of rp.. when all the rg girls in rj know all the rg girls and all the ri boys in rj know all the ri boys.. somehow we're all connected. word spreads faster than wildfire.. everyone is connected to everyone else..(yea.. like a protein.. quaternary structure) and the emotions spread..
these were the things they weren't paid to teach us in school..
the school has suffered a huge blow.. and now.. students and staff scramble to pick up the broken pieces and to make sense of what fate has bestowed upon.. upon whom? if there's no winning end.. there's no losing end.. is there?
frens.. do take care of yourselves.. we're all here for each other...
"a friend loves at all times and a brother is born for adversity" ~ Proverbs 17:17
a song..
when i look around me
i see the tragedies
just below the surface
there's a million hearts that bleed
use me Lord, oh Lord
to show how much you care
i long to see your mercy flow across this land
hearts on fire
burning with ur compassion
Lord my heart's desire
is to see you change our generation
take me with you
Lord how i long to follow you
please take this heart of mine
i hope i haven't written anything in this emo period of time tt i'll regret later. forgive me.
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1:34 AM
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
a pure heart
thats what i long for
a heart that follows hard after Thee
a pure heart
thats what i long for
a heart that follows hard after Thee
a heart that hides your word
so that sin will not come in
a heart that's undivided
but one you rule and reign
a heart that beats compassion
that PLEASES YOU MY LORD
a sweet aroma of worship
that rises to your throne
Lord, let me hide in Your wings ='(
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11:38 PM
Monday, September 11, 2006
07S03N. we do pay attention in class, most of the time.. but jc life can be sooooo tiring
(=
to all my fellow jc students; victims of the Singapore Education System =P all the best in your exam preparation! when u're stressed.. chocolate helps (:
yea yea, exam period no exercise.. therefore u shldn't be eating those extra calories.. but look here
"The priest shall burn them on the altar as food, an offering made by fire, a pleasing aroma. All the fat is the Lord's"
Leviticus 3:16
here, have an mnm ;)
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8:06 PM
Friday, September 08, 2006
studied/caught up with Bel this week! (: here we are, exclassmates, friends.. foodlovers! haha. vicepresident and president (from left) of the Food Appreciation Network aka FAN (: presenting Bel, with the pink belt i gave her for her birthday. haha. people change, and grow to like pink (: bright and cheery colour!
had lots of fun studying with her and her two classmates (timon and junxiang? oops)
look what i found on my computer.. hee
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12:00 AM
Saturday, September 02, 2006
(: i love trees! haha as in the person. aha!
she says i talk alot of nonsense but i dont think so!
she says she fears for her sanity when we talk about and laugh over nonsense but i dont think so!
she says i'm so used to my nonsense that i dont even realise its nonsense but i dont think so!
IN FACT, i think i have grown up alot this year. yes (:
i think i've become more serious, more consistent...
i have laughed less
i have learnt to control my laughter instead of letting it control me. it always insisted on rushing out like a torrent of lava. lava because it always leaves me red, breathless and with an aching stomach
enough of that
i like studying with trees
and shopping with trees
and designing+making our pins with trees coz roxy didn't want to sell us the pretty pins separate from the ugly shirt
look at mine! hehe
and i love my godsistas!! haha. yes matt! we need to meet up and mug! until its dark enough for us to have dinner on the school roof again (: this time we go seventh floor roof k! (: i thank God for my godsistas matt, trees and laila! (: (:
God forbid matt be too influenced by us. we shall learn manly ways for his benefit :D haha
teachers day was good! mr tham has erm. cool dance moves. aha! (: went back to rg and omg i miss ms leow!! haha. she's so cute! i can't believe she's still not married. guys must be blind. haha. she really was an inspirational teacher.. and like i said, if it weren't for her.. i'll be in xinwei's place now =P (yes xinwei, i said it again! hehe).. dying with boring econs instead of lively lit! (:
met andrea and cherie back in rg (: miss rg track! haha miss you jo! and all the other juniors.. haha. support ur new captain chew min alrite! and all the way for next year! a captain is only as good as the people who support her (:
ministry sure is great fun! haha i love the ao team! (no i am not over using the word 'love', i truly mean it alrites.) yihui, charmaine, caroline, joachim, sherron, crystal, shiwei, pj! haha. we had so much fun on sunday during ao l cell.. and before it.. and after it too. haha.
recently, i've been learning alot from some christian books i'm reading.. and i feel so.. pleased with the world. haha! no, just generally happy.
another reason why i'm feeling so brilliantly happy today? i got an email from jacinth! haha. it was great to noe how God is working in Turkey and how she has been. my God is so big, so strong and so mighty there's nothing my God cannot do! her email was not only refreshing and comforting but extremely encouraging as well!
cheer up squeezee! promos will not get us down! holidays will still be holidays for me! i'm gonna do sth fun everyday! YES I AM. (:
jean! how did u find my blog! haha. mrs samuel low... u are sneaky! and u dont get to pinch my cheeks just coz i'm cheeky (: NO pun intended. (:
Jesus I Love You, More Everyday (: (:
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12:20 AM
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
whee! lots to update (:
19th August 2006
members of the rgs cell and ex central one cells gathered at my house for a surprise party, celebrating jan's, drea's and sherron's birthday (: more details may be found on their blogs (with the exception of sherron who doesn't have one)
21st August 2006
sherron's birthday!
but more importantly, my friendship day with VANESSA YAP! (: (:
here, i'd like to say that vanessa has been such a great blessing to my life i dont know where i'll be done without her (:
she was always there when i needed her, and she always gives so freely without asking for anything in return (:
she taught me how to love, how to express my love for a friend through words and how to hug (:
i am forever grateful to the photocopier that brought us together (:
VANESSA! thank you for your friendship, thank you for.. everything.
i really really really really really really thank God for a friend/ sister in christ like you (:
you are beautiful in His eyes, there is nothing you have to be ashamed about (:
LOVE YA LOTS AND LOTS! (:
26th August 2006
i woke up at 5:12am to head to Changi Airport to send joey off =(
though she's one friend i haven't spent alot of time with, the times we've had together i will never forget (:
waiting for you to come back soon girl! (:
a gazillion people were there to send her off (: including hanxin, darren, christine, carol, timon yada yada
i wish you all the best in UK dear! will be here if u need me (:
in the evening, i miraculously found my way across SIngapore, IN THE DARK! for zhiying's birthday party with 3N-ers!
i love our class.
the party was a blast (:
and we have videos to forever remember... nvm (:
27th August 2006
woke up early again and had a good catch up session with bbc! (:
who later taught me math, heh.
den there was ao l-cell, which was brilliant.
loving growing and serving with you guys (: honestly.
and its so awesome that we're growing closer as a team, on a more personal level (:
i thank god for joachim, pastor joyce, charmaine, yihui, caroline, crystal, sherron, shiwei (:
the taiwan team joined us! and it was great worshipping God together... having the team join us really hit home the message that God is in control (: he is so much bigger than we all are and his plans are even more hugomongous than we can ever imagine! so dont let life get you down! God is good, all the time. and all the time, God is good! he will not forsake you (:
i brought my, quotes matthias, "blackmail camera" to church and we had fun taking pictures! haha. i have a feeling we girls are in danger of becoming camwhores. nooo! (:
we've even got a video of janice half dancing half running as she chased sherron round and round the table. haha. she almost whacked us for taking that video and chased us all the way up the stairs. what in appropriate behavior in church! from ladies too! haha. HEY, WE HAVE FUN IN THE HOUSE OF GOD!! all the time, everyday (: where his presence is, there my joy will be also. haha.
28th August 2006
trees and i had a good time at the roxy sale! haha
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sidenote (:
abby+zhiying+eli: yes lets plan for our baking party!
zhiying: adam are u coming?
adam: what do you do at a baking party?
zhiying: you bake stuff and then you eat them!
adam: *makes a taokay face, again* what? why would anyone want to do that?! its like, hey ryan! why dont you come over to my house and we'll assemble the xbox
lol
darren has been dared to kiss gerald ON THE CHEEK MIND YOU, at zhiying's party
darren: can you stop acting like i'm raping you?!
gerald: i'm not acting!
darren: i'm not raping you!
ahaha
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8:59 PM
I thank God for this sister in Christ (: 
